And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
