Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
