and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
