masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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