nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
