When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
