He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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