I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
