dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
