At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
