Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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