Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
