Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
