His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
