So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
