filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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