It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
