I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
