mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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