Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
