someone threw a dead crab at me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
