Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
