It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
