I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
