we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
