He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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