I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
