best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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