I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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