if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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