hell yes lets make some ravioli
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
