I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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