You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
