Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There's always time for handjobs
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
