halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
