super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
