Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
