im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think I won the penis lottery.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
