Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
