I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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