What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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