What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
