I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
