im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
