it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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