She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
3pm strippers are depressing
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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