i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
