I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
