He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
