I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
