why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
